this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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