Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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