I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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