I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
