what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
