So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
