I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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