i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
