wat bout pragnant strippers??
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
