nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
