This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
