I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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