I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
