So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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