my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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