don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
