all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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