I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
