this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
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I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
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Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I can't put those talents on a resume
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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