i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
