$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
