So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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