i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
