would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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