we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
