I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
