be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
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I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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