I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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