i just had sex bonerless
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
