I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
