I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
