Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
