Christians are straight up FREAKS
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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