This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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