I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
