Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
