I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize