I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
