The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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