It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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