i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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