They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Dear god my vagina.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
