You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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