I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
