Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
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No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.