What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??