I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?