So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
