I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
