you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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