dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
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you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
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Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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