If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
