i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
