she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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