Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize