I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize