the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
