we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
