Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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