I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
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i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
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He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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