lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she peed on how many people?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
