There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
