I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
