She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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