Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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